Bowling Green, Sweden – In an odd move, President Trump signed an Executive Order stripping Mohammad Ali of his US citizenship.
ICEs immediately moved to deport the famous boxer. One source at ICEs stated, “We sent a team to his last known residence but he wasn’t there. The people living there just kept saying he’s dead. He can’t hide forever. We’ll find him.”
In an effort to find Ali, ICEs detained his son at an airport in Florida but were unable to discover Ali’s whereabouts.
In other news, Frederick Douglass is still at large.
Upon landing at JFK, a certain Jesus was detained in accordance with the President’s latest (as of this writing) executive order. Presumably aiming to suffer like humankind, as he’s known to have done in the past, Jesus traveled in coach and endured questions from customs officials before reportedly tossing up his hands in frustration and saying, “Screw this! Maybe the third time will be the charm.” He then plunked himself down on a chair, shaking his head and muttering something under his breath.