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Thank You, A Letter To My Followers, My Friends

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​Dear friends,

In 2008 I started the blog Beertap.tv to support Obama’s bid for the White House. While it wasn’t DailyKos I did at times get over 7,000 views in a day. I even received a nod from Andrew Sullivan on a petition drive I started. After the election I retired from blogging and the Twitter account @JoeBeertap was only used to send out news articles based on a Google RSS feed created with specific search terms. I never bothered to even see if I agreed with the articles. Everything changed after this election.

I decided to fire up the old blog and Twitter account and fight fascism. I started back up on November 23, 2016 and the response has been overwhelming. Thank you for supporting me and, more importantly, thank you for being my friend. These are trying times. We’ll all need the support of each other over the next four years. You are all in my thoughts. Thank you for being there for me.

Most sincerely, 

Joe

Electoral College Says Oops, Requests Do-Over

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Trump D.C. – After spending a day living with their decision, the electoral college has requested to reconvene so they can reconsider their vote.

One member said, “I don’t know what we were thinking. Sure, being able to vacation at any Trump property played a role, but then we learned Trump has no properties. He just license’s his name. So, besides a slum apartment building in Brooklyn, we don’t have any other choices. So there was no reason to vote for him at all.”

“I’m proud to say I voted for comrade Trump,” said another.

Trump Bans Marriage for 50 Year Olds, Must Be Able To Procreate

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AARP – A Trump staffer announced late Monday evening that the administration intends to ban marriages to couples 50+ years of age.

“The only reason for marriage is procreation. We’ve put together a list of marriages that will be illegal and punishable by death come February.”

Reportedly the list also includes the following:

  • gay/lesbian marriage
  • infertile women and men
  • anyone caught using birth control
  • anyone that refuses to have kids

In turn, it will now be legal for fathers to marry their daughters, for middle age white men to marry little girls as long as they are at least ten years of age and are menstrual, and for white men to have multiple wives.

A Romney staffer said, “Governor Romney is thrilled to see the country finally catch up with Mormon law.”

The Trump staffer said this law will go into effect within the first 30 days of the administration. 

Trump Changing Country Name From USA to USSR, United States Soviet Republic

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Moscow – A Trump staffer released a statement while in Moscow today. It stated the United States of America will now be known as the United States Soviet Republic or USSR.

At the same moment, Putin appeared on Russian TV announcing that Russia will change back to their old name United Soviet Socialist Republic or USSR.

At Trump Tower, the press is demanding a statement from Trump to clarify what this all means. The doorman came out with a piece of paper that simply read, “A new beginning.”

Trump Wants Demotion from Person to Man of the Year

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Trump Tower – When Trump was told he’d be Time’s Person of the Year he was outraged. We asked one of his cabinet members why.

“Trump believes that, while he was the greatest man by far in 2016, he was not the greatest person. He feels that honor goes to Elisabeth Warren. Big league.” When asked why she said, “He feels she bested him on Twitter.” 

In response, an Elisabeth Warren staffer tweeted, “Delete your account.

Obama Deported, Trump Announces Deporting Obama After Inauguration

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Washington D.C. – In a very strange turn of events, Trump’s team announced they have new evidence showing Obama was born in Kenya and will be deported back as soon as the inauguration is completed. 

When one insider was asked to provide evidence the insider said, “It’s huge. It’s totally credible. But it’s classified. [FBI Director] Comey has it.” Trump made the announcement that the long form birth certificate is a fraud via Twitter.

We contacted the White House for comment but no response has been released at this time.

Trump Supporters Hit Road, Request Brains from Wizard

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Oz – Trump supporters took to the streets last night walking down Yellow Brick Rd. in the tens of thousands while painting swastikas the entire way.

We asked what they were hoping to achieve by marching in the street. One supporter said, “I need a brain. Trump promised us that we can get them from a wizard down the road. Come to think of it, he said this road was made of gold bricks but it’s just broken pavement painted yellow…damn.”

We called the wizard to get a comment for this story but unfortunately the phone number was disconnected.